Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Thoughts on Robin Williams

So, Robin Williams is dead. That fact makes me sad. I watched Mork and Mindy as a child, I believe between the ages of 8 and 10. I've seen many of his movies and listened to his stand-up routines. By all accounts, he was a gentle, loving, and good-hearted person. He was also an addict. He apparently struggled with cocaine addiction during the 1980's and with alcohol addiction for most of his life. Early reports are that the cause of death was suicide.

I do wonder about the comments I've seen regarding his death, however. People in the public eye have expressed their shock and sadness, mostly in a socially acceptable way. I have also seen many comments by private individuals, in the comments section of various stories about his death. Many of these comments run along the lines of "if he only knew how other people saw him," or "if he could have realized how happy he made people..." These types of comments puzzle me. We tend to be taught to not worry about how others perceive us. We are often told to do what we think is right, regardless of what others might say. And yet, people apparently believe that Mr. Williams didn't know himself. That if he had realized how "great" he was, how talented, how loved he was, he would never have taken such a step.

I think this may be a disconnect in our collective consciousness. We assume that Robin Williams' perception of himself was wrong. We blame conditions, such as bi-polar disorder or more "run-of-the-mill" depression for his actions. But what if he realized all that about himself? What if he knew he was great at certain things, like acting and comedy? Many people dream of living the life he lived, so how are we to make sense of him voluntarily leaving such a charmed life? I think this may strike at the heart of one of human beings' most basic fears: What if being loved is not enough? What if success, either in career, or family, or any other endeavor, does not bring complete happiness? We are taught to pursue various goals, be they academic, or financial, or personal. We are told, or at least are led to believe, that if we have such success, we will be happy. And yet...

Having goals may be a good thing for some people. It may be an obstacle for others. I guess it just seems a bit arrogant to assume that a perfect stranger, who may have watched a person on screen, knows more about that person than he knows of himself. My guess is that Robin Williams was aware of his talent, and how many people loved his films and TV shows and stand-up. He likely was also cognizant of the love his wife and children had for him. But that didn't matter. After all, when everything else is stripped away, we all have to live with ourselves. Mr. Williams apparently no longer could; who are we to judge that decision?

3 comments:

  1. Mental Illness, like all other forms of illnesses that afflict humans, does not respect how greatly someone was loved, their talent or their "worth" in the world. Yet society still thinks "it's in someone's head" and "they should just get over it". Until that attitude changes societally, treatment and understanding will continue to lag behind more socially acceptable illnesses.

    Here's a great post about what's known as the suicidal trance. Some may find it helpful to understand how it seems the victim "didn't see themselves the way others did."

    http://www.allianceofhope.org/blog_/2011/09/understanding-the-suicidal-trance.html

    Love to his family.

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  2. Thanks, Lauren; some very interesting reading. I had not heard of suicidal thoughts described as a "trance" before, but it makes sense. We all like to think of ourselves as rational agents, but we all give in to tunnel vision or magical thinking at times. I think your point with regard to mental illness is well taken: very few people would tell someone to just "get over" their cancer or heart condition. But, because we tend to believe, mistakenly, that we have complete control of our thoughts, mental illness is simply seen differently.

    Thanks for reading.

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  3. Well stated Eric and Lauren. Nobody but Robin knew the pain he felt, and as cliché as it may sound, it is not for us to judge. As a former suicide and crisis volunteer, I always believed in a person's right to end their own life. I used to say it's not the people who call in (to the hotline) that I am worried about, it is those who don't call in. I am sorry you didn't call in, Robin, but nobody but you can understand your suffering.

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