So, since my last entry to the Trifecta Writing Challenge was a bit of a downer, I thought I'd try my hand at something a little more upbeat.  You know, more in keeping with the spirit of the weekend's prompt:

The world will end in three days.

Thus, I give you the following 333 words:

“Good morning, and welcome to another installment of ‘Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition,’ your number one source for Christian inspiration and survivalist advice, broadcasting live here on KYWH, serving the greater Hell Gate, Montana area for over 30 years. I’m your host, Rev. Warren Pease, of the Isolationist Church of Christ, United. “

“My brothers and sisters, I have a serious topic to discuss with you today, so please, put down your auto-loaders, call the kids in from burying the land mines, and gather ‘round your radio. For I have had a vision from our Lord; a ‘revelation,’ if you will. Our heavenly father has imparted to me that the end is nigh! Indeed, in just three days, the righteous will be called home. So my question to you, my brothers and sisters, is: ‘Are you Rapture Ready?’”

“Now, some might ask: ‘Reverend War, what makes your prediction of the impending Rapture this time different than the ones in 1987, 1994, 2006, and last Tuesday?’ To them I say, ‘Ye of little faith, beholdest not the mote in thy brother’s eye, if your camel can not pass through the eye of a needle.’ Think about it, my brothers and sisters.”

“As the Almighty covenanted with Noah to never again destroy the Earth by water, he has devised an even more horrible fate, in His mercy. Yes, my friends, in 72 hours, every cell phone in the world will receive a call which will be a recorded message from Justin Bieber reading from the novel Twilight, that will be impossible to turn off. This will, it goes without saying, be the cause of destruction of civilization as we know it.”

“I am out of time for today, as are we all in three short days. Before I sign off, remember, like Jesus, you too can save at Big Sal’s Auto Emporium and Falafel Stand, a Hell Gate institution since 2011. ‘Till next time, keep your Bibles handy and your powder dry.”